Many of you know that I’ve been working on ELIXIR SAVED, a companion novel to my YA fantasy ELIXIR BOUND. Some of you know I’ve been working on it a very long time (see my blog post from 2017 “Why Is It Taking Me So Long To Write The Second Elixir Book?” for some of the reasons). It’s been so long that I wasn’t even sure when I started it, so I took a look back some of my earliest computer files for SAVED and see at least one dating back to 2010.
That’s just the oldest computer file I have on it. I have no idea how long some of my handwritten notes and ideas go back. The truth is that SAVED is the original book I had in mind when I first conceived of the Elixir world, and that was way back when I was still in college, so we’re talking 2003 probably. So a really (insert swearword here) long time!
The good news is that I have all three (yes, that’s three!) point-of-view characters written right up the to climax of the story. They’ve all been in different places for most the story and now they’re finally coming together for that final battle. I know some of the things that are going to happen, but I’ve left some room open for the characters to surprise me. And it’s so intimidating.
I thought once I got the characters to this point that I’d dive right in to finishing this draft. But I find myself hesitating to put the words down, finding that I need some time to think through more of the details. The vision I have so far for these final scenes is kind of vague and fuzzy in spots and I can’t quite pin down what those parts are going to look like. I might not figure that out until I start writing it, though.
Then I start wondering if it’s really that I’m not sure how to finish off the story or if it’s a matter of cold feet. I’ve been working on this story for so long, it’s weird to think about not working on it. Believe me, I have plenty of other projects that I want to start once this one is done (hello, my pretty middle grade witchy book!). And it’s not like finishing this draft means I’m anywhere close to being done with the story (hello, rewrites, revisions, and edits!). So it’s not that I’m afraid I’ll have nothing to do after. What is it exactly that’s holding me back then?
Part of it is definitely worrying about not doing the story justice, an extra large concern when one of the characters is inspired by my sister Kylene. Like I won’t even be close to bridging that gap between what I’ve envisioned for the story and what ends up on the page, which is always a concern with any creative pursuit. Though, it’s not like I need to have it there with a draft anyway…that’s what all those rewrites, revisions, and edits are for.
So why do I have a nervous bundle of energy in my stomach when I think about writing “The End,” something I’ve been striving for all this time? It makes me think about when I’m getting close to finishing a really good book. There’s that urge to read as fast as I can in order to find out what happens. But there’s also this urge to slow down and take it all in. Because once the book is over, that’s it. Sure, you can reread a book, but it’s never the same as the first time.
Perhaps I’m just needing to be in this moment of almost-finished for a little bit before I get there. To take my time to be in the moment and appreciate it before it’s over…to keep those butterflies of anticipation alive a little longer.
Then I need to finish the book because, damn, that many years of working on it is enough already!
