Books for kids, teens, & those who are young at heart

Category: Language (Page 7 of 8)

Dumb, Dumber, and Dumber-er Jokes

The hubby, my brother, and I were watching TV the other evening when the hubby made a joke (many of our jokes revolve around the shtick of one person saying something like “That’s stupid” and the other person saying “You’re stupid”). Later my brother made a pretty bad joke and the hubby said, “That was even dumber than my joke.”

I quickly said to the hubby, “Hah! You just called your joke dumb.” My brother responded (and this is so typical for the two of them to gang up on me!), “Not necessarily.”

That got me thinking…which always means trouble. I argued that in order for joke B (the bro’s) to be dumber than joke A (the hubby’s), joke A has to be dumb as well. In grammar terms, that means there has to be the positive (definition 20)—dumb, tall, beautiful—in order for there to be a comparative (definition 4)—dumber, taller, more beautiful.

Of course, the hubby and bro decided that I was wrong. My brother said, “So does that mean the statement ‘You are dumber than Bill Gates’ says that Bill Gates is dumb?” I said, “Yes.” Just like it doesn’t make sense to say “My brother is smarter than a pencil” because the pencil really doesn’t possess any qualities of smartness, it wouldn’t make sense to say someone is dumber than Bill Gates if Bill Gates doesn’t possess some quality of dumbness.

Now it might make sense to say “My brother is sharper than a pencil,” which at least makes more sense because—although in a punny way—the pencil and my brother both possess qualities of sharpness. Yet, it isn’t really that simple, but we’ll get back to that later.

The boys continued to argue for their point, and the debate really just went in circles for awhile. I think I may have eventually convinced them that from a purist point of view, there really should be a positive in order for there to also be a comparative, but in the real world, it’s just not practical to interpret a comparative statement that way.

For example, a guy says, “That chick is way hotter than that butt-ugly one.” From my argument, he’s saying that the butt-ugly chick is on some level hot, which is not at all what he meant to say. Unless, and this is the real sticky point in this whole thing, you take into account the negative side of the positive.

I know, how convoluted can we get here? But stick with me because I think my brother has an interesting point (and, oh, how I hate to admit that). Can the opposite of the positive (dumb versus smart or hot versus ugly) be considered on the same scale? In that case, you could say someone is dumber than Bill Gates and not have Bill Gates be dumb at all. Instead of the positive of dumb, Bill Gates would be the negative of dumb (i.e. smart) and the comparative would still work.

Definitely something to think about! And for all of you brave souls who made it to the end of this post, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Magnetic Poetry: Horse Names Edition

The running of 135th Kentucky Derby and the 134th Preakness Stakes, got me thinking about how horses get their names. The filly (you go girl!) who won the Preakness, Rachel Alexandra, has a normal enough name, but Mine That Bird is the name of the horse that won the Kentucky Derby. What exactly does Mine That Bird mean? (I feel like it must have some crazy subliminal message, but I just can’t quite figure it out.)

Some other Kentucky Derby winners include Burgoo King, Gallahadion, Tim Tam, and Lil E. Tee. It’s like they throw a bunch of two-year-olds in a room and show them pictures of pretty horseys and whatever comes out of the toddlers’ mouths becomes a horse’s name. (Actually, I take that back…I wouldn’t want to insult my two-year-old nephew, who is actually quite an eloquent speaker.)

In honor of the running of the 141st Belmont Stakes this Saturday, here’s a list of some horse names. Some of them I made up by randomly picking words from my magnetic poetry set and some are actually the names of horses running in the Belmont. Can you guess which is which?

  1. Light Heart
  2. Mr. Hot Stuff (Also a good name for a male stripper.)
  3. Full Rhythm
  4. Chocolate Candy (Very tasty.)
  5. Pickle Fight (I’m so naming my next cat this, just so I can call him P.F. for short…and if he ever gets lost, I can drive down the road shouting “Pickle! Oh, Pickle Fight, where are you!”)
  6. Flying Private (I think I saw this movie in the adults-only section at the movie rental place…not that I ever go into that section!)
  7. Memory
  8. Luv Gov (This sounds like a political scandal in the making.)
  9. Sour Thought Drink (Don’t try to order this at a bar…I promise you it won’t taste good!)
  10. Summer Bird (Call me crazy, but I would’ve thought this name would’ve been better for a parrot.)

Did you guess correctly? See the comments to find out. Oh, and my pick for the Belmont is Mine That Bird because I think his jockey, Calvin Borel, is going for his own kind of Triple Crown.

You’re Not Alone in Feeling Like It’s All Been Done Before

One problem I often run across while writing (have I mentioned that I’m a writer?) is that I feel like there’s nothing new to write about. I’ll be sitting with my laptop, type, type, typing away, and I’m feeling great. I think I’m brilliant! Can I possibly come up with any more awesome ideas?

Then a few days later I reread a book and think Hmmm. Why does this feel so familiar? I must be remembering the last time I read this book. No. It’s not that. It reminds me of something I’ve read more recently. Oh, right. My moment of inspired originality. Only my writing is not nearly as good as this is. So much for having awesome ideas. This isn’t even a new complaint among writers…even my lamentations are rip-offs.

To console myself I’ve come up with a list of expressions that are disgustingly overused right now. I narrowed the list down to just three (if I didn’t cut myself off there, who knows when I would’ve stopped). These three in particular make me very angry; so angry in fact I think if I hear any of them one more time, I might just implode.

3. Shabby Chic–I’m all for a good oxymoron, but this is one of those terms that everybody’s been using to describe everything. My car is an old junker, but I covered the seats in velour, so now it’s shabby chic. (No, it’s just a piece o’ crap!) I’d call my style shabby chic because I decorated my house with a bunch of stuff I bought at a tag sale. (No, you’re just cheap and now your house is full of a bunch o’ crap that other people discarded!)

2. Dark Horse–From American Idol to NASCAR, commentators are predicting that every middle-of-the-road competitor is a dark horse. A true dark horse is racehorse, candidate, athlete, etc… that really comes from nowhere to win. By definition you can’t predict a dark horse, so stop trying to do it!

1. It is what it is–This has to be the most meaningless expression ever created. It literally has no meaning. And every reality TV star that’s getting his 15 minutes of fame is using it. Just typing this phrase caused me pain. The next time I hear someone say this, I won’t implode. I will explode into a million bloody pieces all over the place. That way at least there will be some evidence of my extreme irritation.

The Latest Magnetic Poetry: Sour Pickle Edition

My friends like to share their own unique brand of problems by writing them on my refrigerator. You may remember the last time I shared their magnetic poetry. I have to say, I found their thoughts a bit disturbing.

I’m glad my friends consider my home (or at least my fridge) as safe place for expressing themselves. Here’s the latest entries:

  • This old dog said you like vacuum prostitutes. (Do I want to know what else you like? Probably not!)
  • Suck my obedient bosom fire. (That’s what she said!)
  • Sour pickle mouth takes head. (Ummm…no comment)
  • Always imagine pleasure and beauty fighting devil spurts. (My personal favorite because it really makes you think.)

Last post I discussed some very small (in the literal sense) things that might actually turn out to be very big (metaphorically). Next post I’ll take a look at something very big indeed!

Viewer Discretion Advised

I always chuckle when that “Viewer Discretion is Advised” warning airs at the beginning of a TV show. I can’t help but think Duh! Shouldn’t viewers always use discretion when watching a TV program? And can anyone really indiscriminately watch TV anyway?

Maybe if people used discretion (defined as “the power or right to decide or act according to one’s own judgement”) in all aspects of their lives, the world would be a better place. And if someone fails to use discretion, then maybe that right should be taken away from him and we should let someone else use discretion on his behalf.

Some of my favorite programs have these warnings (Family Guy and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia), but some programs that should include this warning don’t. I’m not sure if this episode of How It’s Made had a viewer warning, but this clip definitely should. It was very unsettling. It made me laugh, which immediately made me feel bad, and then it kind of made me want to cry! You’ll just have to watch it to see what I mean.

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