October – Katie L. Carroll

People wear masks for all types of reasons (and I’m not talking about Halloween masks here). To be deceitful, to protect themselves, to attack others anonymously. There are other more subtle masks that aren’t necessarily about hiding, but are a sort of compartmentalization of our different selves.

I’ll never forget the first time I saw my father in work mode. I was a little kid and for some reason was present when he was talking business. His voice was different and he had a whole new body language I’d never seen before. At the time it was so weird to see him that way, but it gave me another insight into the person he is and the many parts of him. On the eighth grade trip to Washington, D.C. my classmates and I got to see a different side of our teachers when they danced along with us at a pizza party. We saw the people behind the teachers.

For me, there’s my author mask that I wear when I’m at an author event and there’s my parenting mask for when I’m at story time or my son’s school. I even use a different name for my writing vs. my family life. These masks are so complete that they border on different personas, though they certainly can intersect at times. Then there are the million other sides of me that aren’t as consuming as the writer or parent me. I have a mask for each one, each mask is as much a part of me as any other, and all together the make the whole of me (which I suppose is the maskless me…or maybe the me of many masks!).

What kind of masks do you wear?

#InkRipples is a monthly meme created by Katie L. Carroll, Mary Waibel, and Kai Strand. We pick a topic (October is all about masks), drop a ripple in the inkwell (i.e. write about it on our blogs), and see where the conversation goes. We’d love to have you join in the conversation on your own blogs or on your social media page. Full details and each month’s topic can be found on my #InkRipples page.

For our October Ripples in the Inkwell (#inkripples) Kai Strand, Mary Waibel, and I are discussing fear/things that go bump in the night. My mind immediately went to nightmares.

It is well-known among my friends and families that I have very vivid, often wacky dreams. I’ve even been lucky enough to have the occasional lucid dream (in which you are aware you are dreaming, and may actually be able to take control of the dream…pretty cool actually, and I always end up flying when I can!). That also means I’m subject to realistic, terrifying nightmares.

I’m more prone to having nightmares when I’m feeling anxiety and stress. A couple of common stress dreams I experience with some regularity are the one where I show up for the final test of a class I haven’t been to all year and the one where my teeth fall out or crack.

More likely than those two dreams, though, is a recurring anxiety dream that has changed throughout the years. When I was very young, I can remember having lots of dreams about wolves chasing me, and I would wake up sweating, my heart racing. At some point during my adolescent the go-to stress dream turned into dinosaurs stalking me (one reason why, to this day, I have a hard time watching any of the Jurassic Park movies).

After The Boy was born, my anxiety dreams were often about the end of the world. Usually they would start with me seeing something strange in the sky and then aliens would strike or there would be some kind of widespread terrorist attack, and I’d be trying to protect my family.

And lately, my nightmares have taken the form of zombies (you won’t catch me watching The Walking Dead ever!). What’s interesting about these dreams is that the zombies don’t get a lot of “screen time.” It’s more the constant threat of a zombie attack that causes the panic.

Aren’t you so glad to have a glimpse into my dreams? What kinds of nightmares have you all had?

Have you joined the #inkripples movement yet? Ripples in the Inkwell is a monthly meme created by Kai Strand, Mary Waibel, and Katie L. Carroll(me!). On the second Monday of each month, we post on a particular topic. The idea is that we toss a word, idea, or image into the inkwell and each post is a new ripple. There’s no wrong way to do it and we’d love for you to participate (full details here). October is all about fears and things that go bump in the night. Be sure to provide a link to your own #inkripple in the comments!