It’s been awhile. I know. I’ve thought about posting, and I have many topics I’d love to write about, but things come up and more things come up…and here we are. Me posting about not posting.
Part of that is a deliberate choice, despite the fact that I think of you often. Some of you have been with me from the beginning of my blogging journey. This was the first place on the Internet that I expressed myself in writing. I like keeping in touch with you, albeit in a one-sided kind of way.
Here’s the thing: I’ve grown weary of the hustle. I got my very first job when I was nine, delivering newspapers door-to-door to my neighbors. Then it was baby-sitting, cashier at the local hardware store, physical therapy assistant, puzzle magazine editor, and author. Not to mention parenting three kiddos, which I wouldn’t call a job so much as an all-hands-on-deck contact sport that involves advanced logistics.
I’m at a point in my life where I’m seriously evaluating where my time and energy go. And go they do…at a more rapid rate than I care for. I’ve also come to appreciate the impact of working locally and making a bigger impact there, not only as an author but as an activist.
And it’s not just about time and energy. Pushing back against hustle culture in a world that only seems to value capitalistic ventures feels revolutionary. I don’t make a living on my writing. Most authors don’t make a living off their writing. The system isn’t set up for us to be successful at financially supporting ourselves (see “Authors Guild of America Author Income Survey Seems to confirm ALLi Author Income Findings”).
So I’m writing what I want, on a timeline of my choosing. I’m lucky I get to make this choice, and I’m publicly recognizing my privilege here. I’ll post here when I feel like it, I’ll send off my author newsletter when it feels important to do so, and I’ll post on social media as it suits me. Take that hustle culture!
I’ll also be reading, taking walks, gardening, volunteering in my kids’ schools, fulfilling my role on the Library Board, speaking out against books bans and other injustices. You’ll see some of that online but not most of it.
Honesty time…I don’t enjoy book release days. Part of that is because by the time a book comes out, it’s old news to the author. My brain is like, “Been there, done that, let’s move on.” I’ve already been working on a bunch of other projects since I finished BLACK BUTTERFLY, and now I’m supposed to keep talking about that old project?!
It’s not that I don’t love the book that’s just come out. I’ve probably spent years working on it, which is most certainly true for BLACK BUTTERFLY (see “The 10-Year, 230-Rejection Journey of the YA Thriller BLACK BUTTERFLY”). I love all my books and want them to find readers, but I’m also ready to move on to my newer projects, which are much more exciting to me than my finished books.
There’s also the inevitable disappointment of release day. My release days aren’t exactly leading to big sales numbers, and I’m not sure what number might make it feel less disappointing, but I certainly haven’t reached that on release day. Maybe I never will, even if I started hitting big numbers. The sales numbers (or lack thereof) aren’t what keeps me going as a writer.
The excitement of a new idea popping into my head at the most unexpected moment. An idea sticking around in my mind long enough to quietly develop in the background until it demands I open up a blank page and start writing. The satisfaction of finishing a draft, typing The End, even though I know there’s more work to be done. Noticing an interesting theme in a draft and teasing it out with imagery and metaphor in revisions.
Those are the things that keep me going as a writer!
Once the book is released, there’s nothing left for me to do except try and get people to read it. And I’m not particularly good at that. I’m much better at writing and putting out a good story than selling one. I’m a writer, not a marketer. Though I do my best to do both things, it’s painfully obvious to me which is the one I meant to do.
With that being said, yesterday my YA dystopian thriller BLACK BUTTERFLY released. The day was “mid” as my 12-year-old so often says about his better days at school. Yet, I want to take this moment to recognize the huge accomplishment it has been to now have ten (!!!) published books to my name. That is no small feat. And no matter how “mid” the day felt, it’s a notable one for sure.
Is she the hero or the villain?
Black Butterfly wakes to a country devastated by terrorist attacks, supposedly at the hands of the Chinese government. She remembers nothing of her personal life—not even her name. All she knows is that she was in New York City on the day of the attacks. Though, she soon discovers she has an unsettling repertoire of violent talents.
Elijah and his found family of off-gridders from upstate New York take in Black Butterfly and mend her wounds. With nowhere else to go, she joins them as they head to a rally in Washington D.C. The eclectic group begins to feel like the family she can’t remember—or never had.
An encounter with Luca, a spy for a shadowy government agency, confirms Black Butterfly’s worst suspicions about who she was in the life she can’t remember. As more memories surface, Black Butterfly heads to the agency’s headquarters to find out who’s behind the terrorist attacks. It’s unclear whether she intends to reveal the truth or go back to her villainous way. And it’s more than her life she’s putting at risk.
I’m currently in between big writing projects, and I’m having trouble getting out of that space. Some of that is because there are things currently out of my control in regards to what happens next in my writing career, so it’s hard to look too far in the future. Which makes it hard to commit to anything big right now–mainly on deciding what novel I want to write next.
I did have a sort of break planned where I was going to read and catch up on some non-writerly stuff…and wait and see where my muse takes me next. I’ve definitely done this, and worked on some smaller projects in the meantime. All those small projects have turned out to be on the quirky side, so I’m not really sure what to do with them.
It’s not that I don’t have novel ideas (I literally have notebooks of ideas stashed away); it’s more that I can’t quite seem to figure out what one is calling to me the loudest. There’s also the consideration about what makes sense to work on next as far as my career goes, and that brings me back to having to wait to see where those things out of my control shake out.
The waiting is part of the business of writing. I’m growing impatient with the waiting, though. My fingers are itching to get to work. My dreams (like the sleeping kind, not goals and aspirations) have gotten even weirder than those small projects I’ve been working on, which is a sure sign that my brain is getting antsy to work on a big project.
I thought maybe writing this post out would help me have some insight into what to do next. But here I’ve reached the end and I still don’t know what to do.
Versions of this post about how I became a writer have been on several other people’s blogs, but I don’t think I’ve ever posted it here on my own blog. I was thinking about it as the release day for ELIXIR SAVED rapidly approaches and figured it was a good time to put it up here.
Katie reading to Kylene
I thought my life as a writer began when I was 19 on particularly hot day in early spring 2002, a black-letter day, the blackest of black-letter days in fact. I was in college on track to becoming a physical therapist with an early acceptance into the graduate program. But I didn’t become a physical therapist; I became a writer.
I’ve since come to realize, with the help of my mom, that it was much earlier than that that I began my writing life. On my blog post on the release day of the ebook version of ELIXIR BOUND, she wrote, “Although you would have done fine as a physical therapist, I always knew it was not your calling. You were a writer ever since you could pick up a pencil and I think I always knew that, after all the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree (of course I’m talking about your dad).”
Well, my mom was mostly right. Even before I could pick up a pencil, my mom would read stories to us: the Little Golden Books, the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder, all kinds of fiction. I think that’s when I became a writer.
When I stop to think about it, I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out I was a writer. The signs were all there. My family and I used to write and illustrate our own picture books about the adventures of Sam the Billy Goat. At the climax of the story it would always read, “Voop Whoosh! Up went the Billy Goat.” And he would fly up to save the day.
I wrote (and sometimes illustrated) stories my whole childhood. In middle school, high school, and college I worked on the school newspapers. Yeah, I think I had been in a state of denial for 19 years…which brings us back to that black-letter day…April 16, 2002. The day my sister Kylene died.
Kylene and Katie
I don’t like to talk about that day. How the forget-me-nots were in bloom. How there were recording-breaking high temps. How it was the worst day of my life.
So what do you do when you’re 19 and your sister’s just died? Well, once you’re in a place where you can think again, you reevaluate. Everything.
For me that meant rethinking what I wanted to do with my professional life. Kylene gave me the permission to pursue my passion. So I began writing. Eventually I decided not to continue studying physical therapy. I kept writing, often not even sure who I was writing for. Kylene, an audience, myself?
I pursued publication. And got rejections, along with some encouragement. I revised, learned a lot more about the business of publishing. Wrote some more. Revised some more. Got a lot more rejections…you get the picture.
Ten years and four months after Kylene died, my book was finally born into the world. And what was that book about? A young woman, entrusted with the future of her family’s secret healing Elixir, going on a quest to find the Elixir’s secret ingredient.
I don’t need a psychoanalyst to tell me I was fulfilling a wish with that book. It was supposed to be about Kylene, and it is in some ways, but it’s really about me. Because for those 10 years, it had been too hard to write Ky’s book. I tried. ELIXIR BOUND started out from her point of view, but I just couldn’t write that book yet.
But I did eventually. ELIXIR SAVED is Kylene’s book…and a few other characters’, too, because writing just her story was too much (or not enough). It’s complicated.
As for Kylene’s real life story, I believe each of us as individuals doesn’t truly realize the impact we have on people. Each person we touch—whether it be with a story, a hug, a smile as we pass a stranger on the street—leaves a ripple.
Kylene, in her short life, left lots of ripples. With the people she loved. With the people she cared about. The people she felt compassion for, which was pretty much everyone. The people she shared the Harry Potter books with. Even the nurses in the hospital from the short time she was sick felt her ripples.
I like to think that each ripple I make with the Elixir Series is really Ky’s ripple…because I’m not sure I would have discovered my life’s passion if it weren’t for Kylene. It makes my heart smile to think that Kylene is still making ripples on the world, and that I have my own little role to play in that.
About ELIXIR SAVED: Three lives saved by the Elixir; three lives bound by it.
The Elixir entwines the lives of those it touches. Once upon a time, Kylene, Zelenka, and Devon tasted it and escaped death. None were left without scars. Now, a shocking message from the Ice Queen–one of Mother Nature’s higher beings–sends each survivor on a quest. Kylene travels to the frozen depths of Blanchardwood, Zelenka heads back to the wilds of Faway Forest, and Devon journeys to a reclusive mountain temple. The three paths converge in a war against an ancient and tricky foe. And even the Elixir cannot save everyone. The fate of the world balances on the edge of a sword, and the outcome depends on whether the survivors will sacrifice their second chances.
Escape back into the world of the Great Peninsula in this much-anticipated sequel to the award-winning ELIXIR BOUND. Perfect for fans of the Thrones of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas.
I hope you all enjoyed the reading I did of my middle grade adventurePIRATE ISLAND last week. I love presenting workshops and talks to writers and readers in person, but something about recording a video makes me nervous. I think I’m just the type of person who thrives on that face-to-face interaction, but we all must adjust during these strange times.
I’ve been working on my video space and equipment in particular because I recently became Talkabook Certified. Talkabook is a website where readers can book live video calls with authors. I’ll be offering several different options once they launch later this year, and I’m excited to be able to connect with readers this way and details will be on my author visits page.
In book news, ELIXIR SAVED launches in less than a month! It’s been a bit of an ordeal to get it listed for pre-order, but after many chats and emails with various distributors, I think it’s up in paperback and ebook most places now, including IndieBound, BookShop, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Kobo. If there’s somewhere you like to buy books and it’s not there, let me know and I’ll see what I can do.
It’s really hard to have book coming out amidst everything going on in the world, but I’m doing my best to get the word out without being obnoxious about it. If any bloggers have guest spots open in July, I’d be happy to hop on your blog. I’m working on some fun promo stuff for release day, including a “book birthday” video and a quiz take will tell you what element your magic is aligned with.
At the beginning of the year, I ordered a bunch of bookmarks (pictured above) to give out at in-person events, which obviously aren’t happening. I’m not running any kind of official pre-order campaign for ELIXIR SAVED, but if you have ordered it, drop me a comment or an email and I’ll send you one (U.S. only…sorry).
As for work-in-progress news, I’ve been getting up early a couple mornings a week and hopping on video chat with one of my writer friends to continue drafting my witchy middle grade book–think Mean Girls meets The Crucible with a slight paranormal twist. With everyone still at home , early mornings are the best option for any kind of writing time…at least distance learning for the two older kiddos is over and they’re on summer break. I’ve come up with themed activities for kids for the summer that will hopefully allow me some time to work during the day.
One last thing (this update turned out longer than expected!), I have a secret project I’m working on that I’m hoping to release later this year or early next year. It involves a design skill set that I’m teaching myself, and it’s a project some of you might be familiar with. I got all the rights for it settled, so now it’s a matter of carving out the time for it and figuring out how to make it work.
Sending you all healthy vibes! I’d love to know what you’ve been up to or if you have any summer plans.
