Books for kids, teens, & those who are young at heart

Category: Parenting (Page 1 of 5)

When Grief Unexpectedly Hits (and it Shows up in Your Writing)

The thing about grief is that each person experiences it differently, and it encompasses many different emotions. It can change over time, but it can also revert back to that fresh grief in unexpected moments. And it never goes away.

Recently, I was driving two of my kiddos to a travel soccer game. They were both in the back of the minivan, my 10-year-old reading and the 13-year-old playing on his phone. I had the radio tuned to the local alternative rock station that plays 90s music on the weekends, my favorite kind of music. The sun was out, the kids weren’t fighting, and I was in a good mood.

My sister Kylene on the left and me on the right standing next to each other. We were both teenagers at the time, her slightly taller than me, even though I was 3 years older than her.
Kylene (left) and Katie (right) around the ages when we were singing “Dumb” in the car together.

Then, the song “Dumb” by Nirvana came on, and I was transported back to another car ride, one that was more than 20 years ago. It was a similarly nice day, and I was on the way to play beach volleyball with some friends. Instead of my kids as companions, I had my sister Kylene. She loved to sing and had a beautiful voice, and she wasn’t afraid to sing loudly in front of others. Not like me, I kept my tone-deaf voice to the confines of the shower and my car.

So when “Dumb” came on the radio, we were both singing along, Kylene considerably louder than I was. The song got to the end where Kurt Cobain, the lead singer, repeats the line “I think I’m dumb” over and over again. Only, that’s not what Kylene sang. She was belting out “African dough” over and over again. I cracked up, tears rolling down my cheeks, because she had no idea that she was singing the wrong lyrics.

Of course, being the amazing older sister that I am (and also a teenager at the time), I not-so-nicely pointed out that she was singing the wrong lyrics and her lyrics made absolutely no sense. When we got to the beach, I told all our friends of her mistake, and it became a running joke every time we heard that song. For the rest of her life…which turned out not to be that much longer because she passed away when she was only 16. (I’ve written about this before in “Still Mourning Kylene 20 years Later.”)

Fast forward to hearing “Dumb” in the minivan with my kids, and I once again had tears rolling down my cheeks. I had my sunglasses on and my kids were paying no attention to me. I didn’t want to upset them or have to answer any questions they might have asked, so I kept them oblivious to my silent tears. We’ve talk about Kylene, and they know it was a very hard thing to go through, but in that moment, I wanted to be alone in my feelings. When it got to the end of the song, I quietly sang “African dough” instead of the correct lyrics, a little smile breaking out on my face.

Hearing that song and having that punch of a memory hit me, it made me miss my sister so much. It brought up fresh grief mixed in with all the old grief. The sadness that my kids will never get to meet their Auntie Kylene; the weird emptiness of her not being here anymore, even when I have no idea what she would be like now or what our relationship would be like; and the loss of all the things that she never got to be and do, whatever those things might have been. There was also the humor and fondness of the memory.

Even now, all these many years later, the grief can be overwhelming and complicated and hard and unique. It’s no wonder themes of grief often pop up in my writing. There’s my upper middle grade book Witch Test where Liza is being bullied by her ex-best friend, which brings up all sorts of feelings about her late mother. And my YA Hamlet retelling Only Dark Edges where Delta is haunted by the ghost of her sister and spirals into a deep depression of grief. And my work-in-progress picture book about a little girl, whose sister named Winnie recently passed away, goes looking for Winnie-the-Pooh in the woods.

I’ve always said one of the reasons I write is to try and make sense of the world. Kylene’s death will never make sense to me. But writing about it helps me sort out my feelings. And when I publish works about grief, my hope is that it will help kids who experience grief realize they are not alone in their feelings.

Mommy’s Night Before Christmas $.99 ebook Deal!

I’ve got an early Christmas present for you…the ebook of Mommy’s Night Before Christmas is $.99 from now until December 22! You can find it on my Purchase Books page, Amazon, Kobo and Google Play.

As I try and get the house ready for the holiday, I’ve really been relating to the line, “The house was a mess, the laundry never-ending…” Also, a certain Elf is back, and if you’ve read the book, you know how I feel about him!

Readers’ Favorite gave Mommy’s Night Before Christmas this lovely 5-star review.

Mommy’s Night Before Christmas (Family Christmas Tales) by Katie L. Carroll is an endearing children’s picture book story that is also very appealing to adults. In fact, some children might recognize themselves a bit in the story, along with some parents who find that they can relate to the rhyming storyline. The illustrations created by Phoebe Cho have a lovely rustic quality, utilizing some colors that are a bit more subdued and relaxing, while others include a shock of red that reminds you it’s very much the Christmas time of year. It also appears that a mixture of mediums is used at some points, which draws your eyes in even more.

Katie L. Carroll’s Mommy’s Night Before Christmas (Family Christmas Tales) pulled at every heartstring in my chest…. It most definitely has an adult perspective to it, but children will still enjoy it and might even learn from the story itself by trying to improve their behavior for their parents. This would be an excellent Christmas gift for any child or parent that you know who may need a little bit of laughter and wish to read a great story.

Erin Nicole Cochran for Readers’ Favorite

Don’t forget that Daddy’s 12 Days of Christmas, the latest book in the family Holiday Tales series, is also available. Purchase signed copies on the Purchase Books page, or get it from AmazonBarnes & NobleBookshop.orgKobo, or Google Books.

On the first day of Christmas,
My children gave to me
A gift waiting under the tree…

In this heartfelt take on the classic Christmas carol “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” Daddy receives a special gift from his children. But that’s not all he gets! From sweet Christmas cookies to frozen fingers while sledding, the kids “gift” Daddy twelve days of Christmas he will never forget.

Sing along with this family of two dads and five kids as they create special Christmas memories. A celebration of love and families of all kinds, Daddy’s 12 Days of Christmas is the perfect holiday gift or stocking stuffer.

I’m currently working on the third book in the Holiday Family Tales series. It’s not a Christmas book, getting it ready to send of to illustrator Phoebe Cho. Any idea as to what holiday we’ll be celebrating in it (and what family member will be featured)? Let me know your guesses in the comments!

Exciting News About Mommy’s Night Before Christmas

October 2022 Update: If you this poem, check out the newly revised and illustrated picture book MOMMY’S NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS by Katie L. Carroll and illustrated by Phoebe Cho.

Available now from BookshopAmazonBarnes & NobleIndieBoundKobo, and more! Find signed copies on the Purchase Books page.

This is normally the week where I share “Mommy’s Night Before Christmas,” my parody of Clement C. Moore’s poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas.” Unfortunately I’m not doing that this year because I’ve done a slight revision in anticipation of it becoming a picture book! (Don’t worry, you can still enjoy the old version here.)

I’m currently working with an illustrator for a fall 2022 release. So keep an eye out for more news on this!

In the meantime, I want to wish all of you a peaceful rest of the holiday season. I know there’s a lot that makes this time of year stressful, especially these last couple of years, so it is my wish for you all to find the calm in the storm whenever you can. Health and happiness in the New Year!

White Noise Recommendations to Write Faster When You’re Feeling Unproductive

Writing during the pandemic has been really different. I know some writers who have felt productive because they’ve had more time to focus on writing (lucky them!), but many others, like parents, who haven’t been able to fit in writing time. Then there are the writers who may have the time but can’t find the focus.

This was from the days when I used to write at the cafe…the good old days!

I totally get it! At the beginning of the pandemic when the of five us were home all the time, I thought it would be a long time before I figured out a way to fit in writing.

But then I talked to a friend who had been getting up early to write and I (virtually) joined in on her sessions. Naturally, I blogged about this in “WIP Update: Witchy Middle Grade & a Fear of Asking for Help”.

This was back in June 2020, and since then I’ve basically written and revised an entire 59,000-word middle grade novel and worked on a few smaller pieces as well. It’s a level of productivity I couldn’t have imagined achieving this time last year, but I’m not here to brag about this (even if I am proud of it!).

I’m here to say that it’s okay to be unproductive, especially when facing a global pandemic. I basically did a whole webinar with tips on how to be more productive as a parent writer (which is good for any busy writer) where I also tried to help listeners feel okay about not writing. You can watch it for free or check out any of the other Indie Author Project Expert Sessions if you have the time. 😉

One thing that has really helped me to focus has been listening to some kind of white noise. I find music with lyrics can be distracting while I’m writing. But instrumental music that has the right mood to fit what I’m working on or white noise is perfect for keeping my internal editor in check and my mind on task.

So let’s get to those white noise recommendations already!

Spotify is my go-to app when I want thematic instrumental music. There are a ton of pre-made playlists that you can use search for. For my witchy middle grade, my favorite was “spooky instrumental”. When I write fantasy, I’m partial to this “Fantasy Board Gaming” one.

For something more like white noise, I turn to YouTube. For spring, I’ve been listening to this “Spring Rain Sounds” one. When I want to feel cozy, I enjoy fireplaces and thunderstorms, like this Royal Library one.

My most recent discovery is a site called I Miss My Cafe where I can channel those cafe writing sessions I used to have. You can choose which sounds to listen to, from the barista calling out orders to other customers chatting in the background to street ambiance, and pick your volume. There is also Coffitivity, which isn’t as customizable but good nonetheless.

What do you like to listen to while writing or working?

“Balancing Writing and Parenting” Virtual Event for Indie Author Project Expert Sessions

A quick announcement today to let you all know that I’m doing a virtual webinar next week for the Indie Author Project’s Expert Sessions. It’s called “Balancing Writing and Parenting” and is from 12 – 1 p.m. ET on Thursday, October 15, 2020.

It was created with the particular needs of parents in mind, but I think there will be some good tips for any writer who’s feeling short on time lately. It’s free, but you do need to register to attend live. It will also be recorded, so you can watch it at your convenience.

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