Category: Family (Page 18 of 24)

Ten Years Is A Lifetime

April 16, 2012 / Katie L. Carroll

Ten years. That’s how long I’ve been without my little sister, Kylene. The sad thing is I don’t know what life would be like with her anymore. I used to be able to imagine what certain events would have been like if she had been alive: helping her get ready for her prom, attending her high school graduation, the dress she would have worn at my wedding. It gets harder to imagine what her role in my life would be with each passing event.

I only know her up to the 16-year-old person she was when she died. Everything after that is speculation. I can try to imagine what she would look like at 26, but the difference between 16 and 26 is unfathomable. Would she be married? Maybe she would have kids, maybe she would’ve even had her first kid before I had The Boy. Kylene was talented at so many things, I don’t even know what she would have grown up to be.

I like to think she would have gone to NYC for college and majored in something that had to do with helping people but minored in drama. And like I discovered in college that writing was my true passion, she would have discovered acting and singing were hers. Maybe she would be a famous Broadway star. That’s the thing about 16: there’s an endless supply of potential.

For years I’ve been heartbroken over all the potential that died with my sister. Over all the things she never got to experience. Recently I’ve realized how sad I am over all the things I lost since she died. We had a volatile relationship as kids, trying to share a bedroom for many years, me being annoyed when she copied me, her being annoyed when I tried to tell her to be more like me (when I maybe should’ve been more like her).

We were just learning how to be friends when she died. Because she was my little sister and always had a sympathetic ear, she never made me feel bad about my feelings. I can remember having a bad dream and hopping off the top bunk into the bottom bed where my sister slept, showing a vulnerability I hated to admit I had. She didn’t ask for an explanation or make me feel silly for being scared. She was just there for me. Even in our worst fights, she would never, never bring something like that up and throw it back in my face. She kept my feelings safe, no matter what.

I think we would have been best friends now. I wish she had been here to meet my son. I wish she could be here when my first novel comes out (a story I wrote for her, but turned out to be about me). People always say things like, “The dead are with us as long as they are in our hearts.” I don’t disagree with that. I hold Kylene close to my heart. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss her and what my life would have been like if she was still alive.

A Big Deal

January 19, 2012 / Katie L. Carroll

Some months ago I posted that an opportunity had come up, a big one, one that I was very excited about. Back in October I was on maternity leave from my job at the puzzle factory and had just gotten back into subbing agents with my YA fantasy Elixir Bound.

This was the first full novel I had ever written. Back when I first thought I had “finished” this manuscript, I started sending it out to a few publishing houses, mostly to editors I had met at conferences or ones I had been following online. I got a few bites (and waited a very, very, very long time to get a heartbreaking rejection from an editor I would have loved, loved, loved to work with), but nothing came of them. I put the manuscript away and worked on a new project.

Time passed and I started thinking about that YA fantasy again. It just so happens that this manuscript was very close to my heart, originally written as a way to mourn the death of my sister. Then it became more than that and I was hooked on writing. I attended a seminar with an agent who offered a ten-page critique. She like the pages, offered some very good advice on revisions, and wanted to see the whole thing after I worked on it. She was very kind and praised my writing, but ultimately passed on offering me representation.

Another close call. The manuscript was better than ever. I was ready to start submitting hardcore. But not to editors. The world of kidlit publishing had changed since my first round of subbing and most editors wouldn’t even look at unagented material and even when they did, it took forever to hear from back, if you ever did hear back.

I said to myself, “No more submitting to editors. I am only going to query agents. That’s the route I want to take to publication.” So I did a ton of research to find the right agents. I wrote, rewrote, and rewrote my query letter. I had other writers critique my letter and rewrote some more. Finally I started subbing. Again, there was some interest, but no offers.

Then I gave birth to The Boy. And that brings us back to maternity leave and subbing to agents…only agents. Somehow, though, I ended up on the Muse It Up Publishing website. I did some research, heard some good things about this Canadian e-book publisher. They had a buzz about them. I broke my rule and sent in Elixir Bound.

A few weeks passed and I got an e-mail from Lea Schizas, the founder of Muse It Up. She wanted to publish Elixir Bound! A myriad of emotions overwhelmed me. I was excited, shocked, nervous. I still had no agent, but one offered to take a look at the contract for me. She said, “Go for it!” And I did.

You’ll be able to buy your very own copy of Elixir Bound for your Nook, Kindle, PC, or any other e-reader device in August…of this year! I first conceived of a there-and-back-again tale of two sisters nearly ten years ago. It took a very long time to get to this point of publication, and now it’s moving very fast.

My son will grow up most of his life knowing his mommy is a published novelist. My sister will live on in the pages of a story, my story, our story.

Christmas Cookies with the Kids

December 27, 2011 / Katie L. Carroll

I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays! One of my favorite things to do this time of year is to make sugar cookies with my niece and nephews…and this year I had my own little one with me. Granted, The Boy is still too little to really enjoy the whole cookie-making experience, but I couldn’t leave him out just because of that.

As the kids grow, the cookies just get better and better. And we even had a gingerbread house to decorate too.

Can you guess which ones are mine?

Autumn Snow

October 29, 2011 / Katie L. Carroll

Ummm…so it’s snowing, and it’s October 29th. And this is Connecticut, not freakin’ Alaska. C’mon, Mother Nature, give us a break! At least let us get through Halloween. I guess this is just another weird weather phenomenon in the year of The Boy.

Making Connections

October 4, 2011 / Katie L. Carroll

When I was a freshman in high school, my older sisters’ best friend was the captain of my soccer team. She was kind enough to drive me to school, let me hang out with her in between school and practice, and drive me home from practice.

One day before practice we were driving around with some of our teammates and decided that we wanted to “make an entrance” as we drove down the small road that led to the field. We flipped through the radio, hoping to find either a rap song with a solid beat or a hard-hitting rock song to blast. The radio failed us.

So we went the complete opposite of what we had planned and blasted the lamest song we could find: Celine Dion’s It’s All Coming Back to Me Now. Let me tell you, we rocked that song like it’s never been rocked before! And we made a hell of an entrance! Even though I couldn’t stand that song before we rocked it out, I now listen to it fondly all these years later.

Then there was the time my sisters (all three of them) and I were at a wedding and Lady Marmalade (the Pink, Aguilera, Mya, and Lil’ Kim version) came on. The four of us danced and lip-synced to that song like we were shooting a music video for it. I had thought that song was pretty good, but now I love it and always listen to it with a bittersweet mixture of pure joy and pure sadness (since one of my sisters died not too long after that occasion).

The point of all this reminiscing (contrary to what it may seem, I try to have a point to all my posts…even when the point is somewhat pointless). I consider myself something of a free-thinker. I’m often stubborn (a trait it seems The Boy has inherited) and don’t like to think I’m easily swayed by others opinions. Not that I’m totally inflexible. On the rare occasion someone backs up their point with solid reasoning and proves me wrong, I’ll totally give them props for it.

Yet, when it comes to sharing moments with people and music (as is often the case) or a movie served as a catalyst to that moment, my opinions are easily changed. That song that I hated, but my hubby loved became a cherished song for both of us when we listened to it in the car together during a vacation. That TV show that always used to make me roll my eyes because it was just so dumb became one I faithfully watched with my dad and brother because we just had so much fun mocking it. And you know what, I truly ended up liking it by the time the series was over.

There’s the flip side of this too. Did you ever really like something and you mentioned it to someone and they were like, “Oh, I hated that. It was so stupid”? And then the magic of that thing was gone for you too.

I think what it comes down to is connections (and isn’t that what so many things come down to?). If you can make a connection over something, that thing becomes more special, but if that thing is a source of a disconnect, then it loses its charm. I guess I’m not as badass stubborn as I thought I was after all!